I was 19 and spending a semester in Mexico when I first found out I was pregnant.  I was shocked – no mind that I had missed my period for several months and was gaining an unprecedented amount of weight.  Denial is a powerful thing.  It took the kindness and generosity of several people, not the least of whom was my mother, to work out the logistics of getting me back to the United States, to an abortion clinic with the necessary funds in hand, and eventually back to finish my studies abroad.  They saved my life — maybe not in the technical, medical sense — but save it they did.

There was never any doubt for me that I would have an abortion; it was my immediate reaction.  There was no ambivalence, no discussion, no research, no “what if’s.”  I did not want to be pregnant.  I did not want to be a mom.  Not then.  But I know for some women it is not this “easy.”  For some, the decision is difficult and emotional, replete with conflict and guilt.  I know this because I worked in abortion clinics for years.  I listened to women ask if they would go to hell, if they would ever be able to get pregnant again, if anyone would be able to “tell” that they’d had an abortion.  I heard them admit that they were always against abortion, but — just this one time — they really needed one.  And now, as our Congressmen (OK, some women, but mostly men) endeavor to pass legislation further restricting access to abortion and stripping organizations like Planned Parenthood of federal funding, I pause to take stock, and I wonder:  what if men could get pregnant?

If men could get pregnant, there would be no abortion controversy.  If men could get pregnant, abortion would be as available as a walk-in haircut.  In fact, it would be free.  If men could get pregnant, every doctor would know – would be required to know – how to perform an abortion.  If men could get pregnant, we would have scientists working around the clock to figure out how to make abortion “pain free.”  In fact, it would come complete with a spa visit.  If men could get pregnant, it would be sin, maybe even a felony, to make someone feel bad about having an abortion, or to in any way impede his ability to get one.  If men could get pregnant, there would be no scarlet letter “A” for abortion.

Yes, I exaggerate for effect, and no, I do not hate men or even blame them for the current state of affairs.  In fact, I think men should have abortion rights, too.  Parenting is too important and too hard to be forced on anyone.  Pro-life advocates claim a higher moral ground because they “defend” the lives of unborn babies.  But by denying women access to abortion care, they effectively turn some babies into a punishment for sex.  What kind of life is that?

Now that I am a mother, some friends ask me if I feel differently about having had an abortion.  To the contrary, I am only more convinced that it was the right thing to do.  I am madly in love with my daughter, and I now know the critically important task and constant challenge that is parenthood.  I had no business bringing a baby into the world back then.  Today I am a better mom – in fact, I am a better citizen – because I had the opportunity to decide my own fate.

Abortion is one of the most common medical procedures in this country, and women have abortions for all sorts of reasons.  The one I hear the most is that they want to be able to take better care of their families, the children they already have, or those that they someday will have.  Sounds pretty darn responsible to me.  But quite frankly, I don’t care what the reason is.  If men could get pregnant, the reason wouldn’t matter at all.